At some point in the past few years we knew we would Homeschool Isaiah. It was a given and we never really thought about any other alternatives. We sent him to a church kindergarten because I needed the extra year to get things settled with my mom and all that entailed.
Jump to this summer and see me in your minds’ eye as I start to question this important decision. Things had changed since we originally planned this Homeschooling adventure. Hubby is now working away from home, where he had been for 18 Years! That has been a big change for me. In the past, I had him at home if I needed to go visit my mom. He was here when the bus came (for Kobi), no need to worry about rushing home if I happened to be out (like at the nursing home).
I could easily break away for a minute or twenty to do errands or cleaning or just to breathe in the quiet if I needed to. It was nice. It was also the norm for us. Him leaving every morning and coming home at dinnertime is just not normal for our family.
His return to the regular workday has been quite an adjustment. He sees the kids for about thirty minutes before the bedtime routine instead of intermittently throughout the day. They miss him and so do I.
Major changes have taken place and it has taken a toll.
As the day for school to start was drawing near, I began to question whether it was still doable. My list of “why this won’t work” was getting longer by the minute. I was basically overwhelmed with the mounting claims on my time. I started getting claustrophobic with every thought of six children, eleven grandchildren, Homeschooling, taking care of my mom’s needs, a special needs child, a husband, a home to tend to, cooking, laundry, church, Bible study, starting a not for profit organization, time for friends and extended family etc. The list got longer. Every.Day.
Satan was working overtime.
I plunged forward with Homeschooling that first week and quickly sunk into despair. The constant demands were overtaking me and I just wanted to give up.
It was a rough week. My family rallied beside me and suggested that I send Isaiah to school. It would be one less thing to do. It would help. I really needed that support – the okay that it was okay!
I knew in my heart that I wanted to homeschool. I knew I also wanted to be a help to my grown kids and my precious little grands. I knew I still had to take care of my mom, husband, home etc. When I finally came to the end of myself (yes, as it turned out it was all about me), I gave it to the One Who knows my innermost being. I finally stopped trying to handle it all and let go.
Oh, the peace that comes when you release the hold that you think you have. I prayed and was extra quiet during my quiet time, so as to hear my Fathers’ still, small voice.
He was there waiting of course – had been there all along. My answer was clear while at the same time I felt like I was being cradled in the arms of Jesus.
I would continue to homeschool and the other things would work out in time. I knew it would never be perfect (nothing in this world ever is), but I had peace knowing that my Father was in charge and I didn’t have to do everything, everyday. I will do the best I can and then move forward.
Since then, things have been just as crazy, complicated and busy as always. However, I have not been the same. I have not reacted or responded in the same way.
In the past, I would allow circumstances to keep me from my quiet time. I would just grab a minute wherever I could squeeze it in. Now, I carve out that precious time even though I know the pressures of the day are just minutes away. I take a deep breath, clear my mind of it all and go into the presence of my Savior. It is blissful.
Starting my day off on the right foot has paved the way for a smoother day. Sure, I did quiet time before, but it was not very quiet. It was rushed and there was a bit of shushing going on. Shush, I’m trying to read my bible. Shush, I am having my quiet time. Not .very. productive.
All of that to say, homeschool is going well. We both learn something new each day. It is awe inspiring to watch my son learn so much. I am blessed to be able to be a small part of it.